


Intimate

by kirogaraii



Series: A Bitter Sweet World : ShuuKazu [4]
Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: (kazuaki-kun as always), BitterSweet AU : ShuuKazu, Canon Disabled Character, Developing Friendships, Gen, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirogaraii/pseuds/kirogaraii
Summary: Kazuaki comes to school early in hopes of catching the moment doctor Iwamine arrives in the infirmary. And along with establishing his working shifts, Shuu comes out to him about a more intimate trait of his too.
Relationships: Iwamine Shuu/Nanaki Kazuaki (Original)
Series: A Bitter Sweet World : ShuuKazu [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623460
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Intimate

A hand sleepily inserts a bill into the vending machine. After a nervous second, it accepts the bill and sucks it into the metal void. A moment of anticipation, Kazuaki fiddles with his fingers, and then, he sees the desired item roll out and fall to the bottom of the machine with a clink. He reaches into the opening, taking out the little can of iced coffee.

“Haah…I don’t usually drink coffee…but…”

At 6:30AM, the school is certainly empty. Kazuaki’s solemn whispers to keep himself company were luckily completely unheard by nobody. “...I’ve drank almost nothing but soda recently, so maybe this will be a meaningful change of pace…? Please, wake me up, coffee-san…”

He shook the can vigorously according to instructions, and finally opened it up, taking a gulp. His eyes lit up, “O—! D-Delicious! _Latte macchiato_ was a good choice! It’s so sweet! Thank God, I was scared it’d be still bitter…

…Now then…”

Kazuaki turned around, seeing the hallway ahead of him. Off to his original quest. There is a reason why he, for the first time in history, came to school _this_ early. Even as a teacher, he usually scrambles all the way over here at 7AM. Sipping on the coffee in one hand, and clutching the handle of his bag thrown over his shoulder in the other, he paced over to the opening.

* * *

This early in the morning, the world outside was still dim, with only a small orange splash illuminating the edge of the sky. But the infirmary…had it’s lights on. Quiet as a mouse, Kazuaki tiptoed around the door. The two sliding doors to the infirmary had two windows, which were definitely out of an average height student’s reach. If Kazuaki though (in his five foot eleven inches might) stood on his toes, he could probably peek into the room. However when he did that, he realized that the glass of these windows was intentionally blurry and distorted, allowing him to only recognize that yes, the light is on.

Kazuaki out of courtesy knocked on the door twice before sliding it open. Scrunching his lip, he looked inside.

The infirmary had a rather strange atmosphere in the dim lamp light instead of the sun coming from the windows. Besides that, it looked as expected. All furniture in the right place, no blood and weapons scattered on the floor (what a relief).

Doctor Shuu Iwamine was standing behind his desk chair. His black winter coat was hung over the seat. He was in the middle of putting on his lab coat, having been caught in the middle of this task by a pair of golden eyes, Shuu was frozen in that labcoat-sleeves-loosely-reaching-his-elbows pose for a few seconds.

“...Huh.”

The doctor mumbled looking a bit disoriented.

“E-Excuse me! Good morning!”

The professor said with a crack in his voice.

“I forgot to say that—!”

Shuu slowly resumed to pull the lab coat over his shoulders, not breaking eye contact with the unexpected visitor. “Good morning. Can I…help you?” his confusion very apparent. “You are aware that it is six thirty, right?”

“Um, yeah! It’s sorta early, isn’t it!” Kazuaki leaned against the doorframe mimicking a cool and relaxed person, as if he weren’t sweaty as hell already. “It’s a funny story, doctor! I went to bed at midnight, and woke up at four. I thought, ‘well, for some reason I feel wide awake, so I’ll definitely not fall asleep again’, so I got up, got stressed— **dressed!** And then I came to school. At…At six thirty.”

“...A funny story indeed. I can barely contain my laughter.” Said Shuu in complete monotone.

“Gkh—!” Kazuaki twitched.

“So instead of going to the staff room first, to put down your things and prepare schoolwork for the day perhaps, you came to the _infirmary_ instead? I can see you still have your bag with you.”

“Gkh—!!”

“Did you come here to waste my time? I am busy, especially at…six thirty in the morning.”

“Nooo!” Kazuaki’s whine made Shuu raise his eyebrows. “I am here exactly because of that! I thought, ‘hm, doctor Iwamine is probably busy in the morning, and I have nothing to do, so I could come here and help him with…something’, that’s what I thought, please believe mee—!”

Kazuaki stepped brashly into the room, in the heat of his desperation to not be kicked out, he flailed the can of coffee, casting a spray of his beige drink to splash on the creamy wooden floor.

A shot of coffee missed Shuu’s arm by an inch, instead splattering on the wall behind him.

The doctor turned his head to look at the splat. Then at the splat on the floor. Finally, his eyes met Kazuaki, pale and trembling. Shuu did not budge.

“...Well, what are you waiting for?” Composed and proper. “Get on your knees and clean it up.”

“OH GOD I’M SO SORRY, I’m so sorry! I’m a failure, I’ll clean it, I’m cleaning it up, I’ll do it, I’m so sorry, please forgive me—“

“Forgiven, once you clean it up.”

“Y-Yes sir!! I’ll put, I’ll put my coffee… here…is that okay…”

Shuu affirmed with a nod, allowing Kazuaki to place it safely on his desk. The stretched spray of coffee was not that large. Just a few small puddles on the floor, and that one slowly trickling down the sand-yellow wall. The professor put his bag somewhere on the floor without much of a plan.

“The sink…”

“The sink is there.” Shuu waved a hand in its direction, close to the door. Kazuaki followed the direction, balling fists. _“I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot,”_ Shuu heard the quail whisper to himself through the sound of rushing water. He didn’t comment. Instead, he circled his chair and sat down, letting out a loud exhale. Kazuaki took the nearest rag and rinsed it under water. Avoiding the doctor’s presumably judgemental stare, he approached the puddle.

Kazuaki crouched by it and quickly wiped, careful, to make sure he’s not half-assing it. He will clean the whole floor with the unparalleled passion and effort of _Cinderella_ , or, maybe Hitori, if it can get Shuu to forgive him. But well, that’s not necessary.

Following the trail, Kazuaki finally stood up to get to the splatter on the wall. He saw that Shuu was examining the can of coffee, turning it in his hand. As he was trying to squeeze past the doctor to get to the wall, his voice spooked him enough to flinch.

“Say, professor. Are you lactose intolerant?”

“Huh…? Um, I don’t know, I think I eat a lot of things with milk and cream and I don’t get automatically sick…”

“Mhm. That’d be a no. I’m asking because this coffee that you got from the vending machine has a red stripe on it.”

“R...Red stripe?” Kazuaki raised a brow, “...And?”

“Ah. Yes. The red stripe means that the milk in this coffee is lactose free.” Shuu tapped the can.

“Ooh. I didn’t know that…”

“It’s a good signifier, because _I_ am lactose intolerant.” Shuu smiled somewhat while saying that, “And the red stripe catches my eye. I’m glad they used red and not a different color. As far as I know, _blue_ is usually a color associated with milk, besides the obvious white. ”

A bit unsure how to respond, Kazuaki stuttered while scrubbing the wall, “Oh, I see. I-Is red your… favorite color?”

“Hm, yes. I guess I’ve got no freedom of choice on that one though.”

The blond laughed nervously. If that was a joke then he didn’t get it, but it’s better to be polite. “Huuuh~? Why do you say that~?”

“I am colorblind.”

The smile disappeared just like that. It was instantly replaced by a frown. “Oh. I’m… I’m sorry.”

_Colorblindness_. Now that reminded Kazuaki of something. Another memory, another memory of Hitori… sometime ago, Hitori said that one of his siblings (Kazuaki could not remember their name for the hell of it) was colorblind. He, being not very smart, thought colorblindness was literal black-and-white vision. Hitori explained to him very firmly that the most common kind of colorblindness is red-green colorblindness, and that is what (insert sibling) had. Hm.

“...What kind of colorblindness? T-There’s more than one type, I think…”

“ _Incomplete, acquired, cerebral achromatopsia_.” Shuu explained frankly. He seemed to feel somewhat prideful knowing that Kazuaki surely did not have a clue what either of those words mean. “Achromatopsia meaning ‘total color blindness’. Monochromacy. Seeing in black, white, and shades of grey. However in my case it’s incomplete, meaning that alongside grey, I can also recognize red. Cerebral meaning that it was caused by damage to the cerebral cortex, and not that I was born with it.” Kazuaki saw the hint of a smirk forming on Shuu’s lips.

“Oh.”

_d-damn it, so i was correct at first?_

“...Woah…That’s strange…So wait, you see everything like a black and white picture?”

“Yes…and no.”

“eeh—?”

“Like I said, I see red. Though this wasn’t necessarily the case prior to our evolution, nowadays we birds have two photoreceptors in our eyes which work similarly to humans. Rods, which are responsible for vision at low light levels, scotopic vision. And cones, which are active at higher light levels, photopic vision, are capable of color vision, and are responsible for high spatial acuity. There are three cones. Blue, red, and green. I have Red Cone Achromatopsia, which means that the blue and green cones aren’t functioning, only the red is. Summarized, red is the only color I can recognize.

But when I say ‘red’ I don’t just mean bright red, like my glasses. Red has its own shades too. I can see most shades of pink, and sometimes brown. The extent of this ability also varies on lighting. The darker it gets, the least saturated those colors become. My brain extracts red from colors, if they are close enough to red on the spectrum. In other words…” Shuu turned his head to look up at Kazuaki, “I see your hair as pink.”

“...Woah.” That sound left Kazuaki’s throat, who stared at Shuu like he just grew a pair of horns. He did not understand at least 90% of that. He wanted to feel flattered by the pink-hair-comment but... “...Woah…That sounds…Well,” he cleared his throat, “Well, it’s scary.”

“Ho?”

“It’s…sad…” he had a hitch in his voice, “N-Now that I try to imagine seeing like that, it’s really tragic…You can’t see green and blue, then? I really like those colors…My shirt is blue…” Kazuaki rugged at the sleeve of his shirt, visible from under the sleeve of his coat.

“Ah, see, I didn’t know that. Well, considering I see it as grey, I could’ve assumed it was close to blue and green, or somewhere along those lines.” _But I didn’t assume so, because I frankly don’t care and don’t pay attention to clothing._ “But your coat on another hand.” Shuu tilted his head, cupping his chin very thoughtfully, “When I compare it to the greyness of the cabinet behind you, I think I see just a bit of weak, desaturated brown in it.”

“It is brown…It’s about as brown as your hair…”

“Ah.” Shuu pinched a lock of the long hair around the sides of his face and looked at it, his eyes crossing ridiculously from how close it is. “Maybe so. Maybe if we’d stand under a different kind of lighting, I’d see this kind of brown better.”

“Ah...haha...ha.” Kazuaki laughed nervously, but the more this conversation went on, the more tearful sympathy he felt for the doctor. Colors are beautiful and Kazuaki is an artist. Colors are a recurring theme in his poetry, especially the teal of a tropical lagoon, and the colored stripes of a rainbow in the sky. His focus returned to the wall, he scrubbed it with a bit more tension than intended. _Could this be it? Is this why Shuu Iwamine is so depressed? Who wouldn’t be depressed from living in a colorless world, colorless except red…_

A tear rolled down Kazuaki’s cheek. He cursed himself for his sensitivity, quickly wiping it away.

He crouched down again to reach the droplets of coffee that already leaked down onto the floor. He pondered about this for a minute in silence, it seemed, until the professor spoke again, “Huh, but wait, if all you can see is red, pink, brown, and grey, then how long did it take you to realize there are other colors? W-Well it seems obvious, I mean, every child knows that there are more colors than red, but…”

“I wasn’t born colorblind.” Shuu interrupted quickly, but then took a pause. “...I said I acquired it, did I not? Damage to the cerebral cortex.”

“...Damage?”

“Injury.”

Until now the doctor spoke in a usually tired tone, only gaining some fluctuation and emotion when he began explaining the intricacies of rods and cones, but when he said that word, his entire demeanor became still and quiet. Kazuaki watched him, expecting an elaboration. Shuu had the choice, of course he had the choice to be silent. But after a moment of silence, he continued. Intimately.

“...The world is at war, no matter how you look at it, or where you live. Even in a country as secure and peace-loving as Japan, if you go to the outskirts of the city, you’ll see crumbling buildings that have been blown to bits by terrorists, and children in hospitals left without families, homes, and in some cases limbs.

…And I…was one of those children.

…That is all there is to it.”

Shuu concluded. His movements were stiff when he returned his focus to the desk before him. When he reached out for a folder, stacked on top of other folders on the corner of his desk, he saw his right hand trembling. He forced it to grip on the paper, and pulled it to himself.

“…That is all…there is to it.” He repeated, quieter this time.

Shuu felt that the other man stood up behind him, and in the corner of his eye he saw that he clutched his hands to his chest. _He must be feeling troubled. He must be speechless. An emotional and sensitive boy like him. Maybe he is on the verge of tears._

A hoarse voice thick with tears came forward, “I-Iwamine... I a-“ only to be interrupted.

“Please, if you want to be useful, then don’t pity me. I am not a pitiful character. And if you think that my disability is a ‘tragic backstory’ of sorts, then I promise you that there is no artistic value to be applied here. I don’t miss something that I don’t remember having in the first place. To answer your question, I knew I was colorblind immediately after waking up in the hospital. It’s not quite a difficult thing to miss.

…The incident that took place removed some parts of me, but it also removed a continuous hurdle in my way. If my parents were still alive, I definitely would not be standing where I am now. _‘In order to gain something, you need to lose something of equal value.’_ This is a fundamental rule of nature. I stand by, and cling to it.

If you desperately want to show your support, then you can do so like this; don’t pity me.”

Shuu breathed in, exhaled. Kazuaki seemed to do the same.

“...Iwamine. Iwamine Shuu.” Kazuaki’s voice matched the others in volume and emotion. “...You are…extremely brave. It must…take a lot to confess something like this. I’ve, I’ve never wanted to earbash you, or pity you…or anyone else. I’m sorry for being unclear…If you want this to be a secret, then I promise that I’ll never share it. Thank you for…” he bowed lightly, “T-Thank you for sharing this with me. Thank you for trusting me.”

_Promise._

Shuu rested one hand on top of the paper. He saw his own fingers. Pale, thin, becoming reddened at the tips and knuckles. He meant every word of what he told Kazuaki, and Kazuaki’s voice was low and…not pitiful anymore; empathetic. It had a hoarse but warm quality to it, and Shuu couldn’t help but be drawn in by it and trust it, as much as it made a quiet ghost in the back of his head reject this decision.

“…I am not a fan of unnecessary attention. You can tell your students that I’m colorblind if you deem it as revolutionary news. But if you could not mention the context of how it happened, that’d make me…very glad. It’s not just about attention. These news would provoke more harm than good, I hope you understand what I mean.” he mumbled under his breath, “But I can’t physically stop you from anything, can I. I can only deal with the consequences if you decide to act against my wishes.”

“Huh?! No, I absolutely don’t want to betray you! I promise,” Kazuaki balled his fists, “I promise to respect your wishes and privacy, Iwamine! Please believe me.”

“...Thank you.”

Shuu looked up at the blond. Cupping his face, elbow prepped by the desk, he had a very genuine expression. A silent moment passed by where the doctor looked deep in the other teacher’s eyes. Finally, his gaze travelled down to the now brownish rag. “...You can leave that in the sink. I’ll rinse it myself later.”

“...Um, um. Okay.” Kazuaki took a look at the wall again, “Guu. I hope I cleaned it well enough. Can coffee stain walls permanently…? I’m again really sorry for spilling it.”

“Ahh, don’t worry about it.” Shuu elevated his voice, “These walls have been splattered with blood and guts many times before and with a bit of bleach they’re again absolutely spotless. It’s a truly durable wall paint.”

“WHAT!”

“Hohohoho!” The doctor cackled menacingly. Kazuaki, having reached the sink by then, snapped back around and glared at Shuu with a frightened face. As if it this morning couldn’t have gotten any more crazy, he saw that Shuu is dabbing a cotton swab around the ring, or the general lid of the coffee can.

“U-Uwaaah Iwamine! What are you doing to my coffee!”

“To your coffee? Nothing. I am simply getting a saliva sample from the opening that you’ve been sipping from. You won’t notice anything. Don’t worry yourself with it.” Shuu flashed a very unfitting grin at Kazuaki, “Since you are promising to keep my secret, I promise to keep the results of your DNA analysis a secret too. It’s a fair exchange, isn’t it?”

“...

…Oh yeah! I guess it is!” Kazuaki scratched the back of his head, and then returned an equally excited smile to the doctor. “Hehe, if it makes you happy! The great doctor Iwamine of St. Pigeonation’s wouldn’t use my data for ill plans, right?”

“Mhm, by all means. Keeping the academy healthy is my only purpose in this profession. I’d be a fool if I messed that up. Here is your coffee.” The doctor stuck the damp swab in a tube and screwed it shut. Kazuaki picked up his coffee and took another gulp.

“Bleegh, I got cotton hairs on my tongue…”

“Itadakimasu, Nanaki.”

“Ita…dakimasu…”

Shuu squinted at the can with a tinge of disgust.

“…Do you actually like latte macchiato?”

“W-Well, it’s like my second time drinking it. I usually don’t like coffee because it’s bitter, but this is good because it barely tastes like coffee…Generally I am a tea person, teehee!”

“Hm. I see.”

“...”

“...”

_Why do you never continue the conversations that you start, Iwamineeee…_

Kazuaki watched Shuu flip the pages in his folder with a pensive look.

“Ah right. You came here to help, right.”

“Y-Yes! Do you have any mission for me?!”

“No.”

“ _Bawk—!_ ”

“I’ve got nothing that you can help me more with. But you could help your performance as a teacher if you used the free time to organize your things in the staff room before the students arrive.”

Kazuaki dropped his shoulders and sniffled. Being scolded for his immaturity by someone who’s more or less his own age is utmost embarrassing. “Oh well…oh well…okay…so you’re kicking me out…”

“Yes.” quick and simple. With some more tragic sniffles, Kazuaki took one last look at the infirmary and picked up his bag from the floor, promptly throwing it over his shoulder again. “...Ah, Iwamine,” he suddenly turned to the doctor again, “O-One last question. When do you leave work?”

“...That depends. I try to be home by ten.” he sighed, “Whether I actually ‘leave working’ is hard to say, though.”

“Ooh, okay…” Kazuaki had a nervous little smile on his face. Shuu noticed that his cheeks have gotten redder just now. “I-I was just asking because, uhm. Ahh. Ahh…nevermind, no reason!”

“...If you want to make an appointment, I can see if I can find free time for whatever issue you’re facing.”

“Appointment, huh…”

...Suddenly, a dark thought came to Kazuaki’s head. He fidgeted with the strap of his bag, as a sly smile crept up on his face. “Yes. Let’s make an appointment, doctor. One where there’s no one around at school. M-Maybe, I’d like to get to know what you found out in my spit, over there…”

Shuu’s mouth gaped slightly, before taking on a similarly evil mood. Whatever Kazuaki just suggested made him very, very interested to find out more. Not breaking eye contact, he twirled a pen between his fingers and spoke. “Ah, I see. In that case, I might have free time very soon. Maybe even tomorrow at four. Could you come to the infirmary then?”

“Y-Yes! That sounds good. I’ll do my best!” Kazuaki paced to the door, taking another sip of the coffee that’s making his hands shake. “See you then! Bye! Have a nice day~!”

“You too.”

Kazuaki did a small wave and disappeared in the dim hallway, the door slid shut. In the eerie silence of the empty room, Shuu was left staring at the closed door for another minute, half-closed eyes, with a smirk that just didn’t fade no matter what.

He opened up another encyclopedia, he dragged forward another set of folders, and the vial containing a little cotton swab landed in a rack on top of his desk. Shuu looked at it one last time.

_...Will it be you?_

**Author's Note:**

> Things have been going smoothly and softly so far, but it seems like something has been awakened in this quail! Oh geez. Hello, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this slowly progressing series. (*´∀｀*)
> 
> Oh yeah. Moa never confirmed with proper terminology what the exact name of Shuu’s colorblindness is. Utsuro says that everything is grey, alongside red. Technically what Shrine Shuu has is realistically probable, but finding any information about Achromatopsia let alone Incomplete Achromatopsia is really difficult. I know that some people hc Shuu as having Tritanopia, which might easily be the case in canon too, but unless Moa gives this partridge a real diagnosis, we are all left theorizing. Even if Shuu denies it, it is very tragic and meaningful that he sees the world like that. Sob.


End file.
